I would like some CRIES with that WAH burger

I feel that, as an American, I'm not protesting enough. More to the point, I'm not protesting absentmindedly enough. A lot of us aren't. Seriously, when is the last time you have taken up a cause that was without merit or reason? Well, because we HAVEN'T, these brave warriors are doing it for us:

First off, do you remember a couple of months ago when those really cheeky, annoying Dunkin Donuts commercials with Rachel Ray were all over the airwaves? I don't, because they were immediately pulled by Dunkin Donuts when the right-wing went nuts because the commercial made Rachel Ray appear to be a "terrorist sympathizer." What? Did Rachel Ray scream "death to the USA!!" as she burned an American flag in the background? Did she kill a British reporter? Did she end the commercial with, "just one sip of this coffee will make you say, 'mmm ALLAHHHHHHHHHmmmmm.'" Hell, did she even say or do ANYTHING?
Nope.
It was her scarf.
Apparently it looked so much like a "kaffiyeh," (which is the traditional head garb popularized by Yasser Arafat and worn by many radical terrorists) that merely seeing someone wear it on TV was offensive... even though it was a relatively popular fashion style long before the commercial aired. At first, Dunkin Donuts laughed off the initial wave of protests, but as time went by, and more and more crazy conservative bloggers began threatening to boycott, Dunkin Donuts caved in and pulled it.
I guess it makes sense; terrorists DO wear something very similar. Of course, those same terrorists also like to wear red and white dotted bandanas over their heads, making this guy a terrorist too.

Check it out a few months later, Nike has this new line of basketball shoes called Hyperdunks. With them, you can jump over cars and pools of snakes and other things people normally have to avoid in their everyday lives. Nike had this great advertising scheme where they would show some white guy being dunked on. The dunker, of course, was wearing Hyperdunks. The dunkee was withering in a combination of embarrassment and pain, as he tries to move his face as far back as possible to avoid the dunker's nuts.
This, unbeknown to anyone normal, is homophobic... and Nike had to pulled their ads. Seriously.
Now, I can only assume that since this series of advertisements is homophobic, this would secretly mean that all gay men want to shove their balls in other men's faces and if we show emotions like disgust, we are being incentive. The guy really should have been embracing the nut sack. Shame on Nike. Shameeeeeeeeeeeee.

This blog isn't just about OLD totally shitty protests, oh no... Take a look at this gem right here. Apparently, Tropic Thunder's excessive use of the word "r-word" (yes, the word is too vile to say) is causing a huge stir and everyone from the Special Olympics to the the National Down Syndrome Congress is calling for the boycott of this film. To give a little background story, one of the minor actors in the film is playing another minor actor, whose only other role involved playing a retarded kid in a movie called "Simple Jack" (the thought behind this is that everyone gets an Oscar for playing MONGRELS, take Forest Gump for example). All the other characters in the Tropic Thunder treat him like crap, and because of his role, they call him a retard throughout the the film. So despite the fact that this movie is chock full of asian-looking terrorists living in huts and a white guy who undergoes surgery to give him permanent black face, we should boycott this movie because someone says the word RETARD.

Fantastic!

But to digress, I feel I should get involved in this delirium of protesting, and I have marked these things on my shit list:
1) Cillian Murphy
2) People who say "well then"
3) The Boston Globe
4) Pants

I plan on harrassing and boycotting and whining as much as I can untill someone gets punished. As far as you're concerned, I'm offended about something by all those things on my list, and it's my right as an American citizen to not have a sense of humor and just go apeshit on everything.

Please note: I'm not worried about anyone boycotting my blog for my overt use of the word "retard" because no one reads this damn thing to begin with.
Toodles!

ALSO NOTE: I will only be using this search engine from now on.