Thursday, August 7, 2008

BREAKING NEWS

ANNA NICOLE SMITH SIGHTING!!!
IT LIVES

This should be a great moment where I can finalize my process of becoming a real blogger (whose active duty is to constantly link to thirty other blolgs), but I am greatly saddened to break this news to all you poor, poor, helpless bastards... it appears, judging from the photo above, that the existance of Zombie Anna-Nicole Smith has indeed been verified.

Our days are numbered.

There are two frightening things I have deducted from this picture. First off, the previous Anna-Nicole Smith Zombie picture (shown blurrily below) shows Smith falling apart, skin peeling and flesh rotting. The gormandization of human flesh is apparently rejuvenating her, shaping her into her old self. It's not purely a physical thing either; as we can see, she now knows how to operate a lawn mower, putting her on the same mental level as my gardener. Eventually, she may reach a normal human being. Imagine if she could operate a rocket launcher? Zombie Anna-Nicole Smith with a rocket launcher? We'd be fucked.


Another noticable difference between the two photos is that the recent one shows Anna-Nicole Smith much, much skinner. This tells us that she is back on her trimspa diet, meaning when she does feast on human flesh, it will be far more ravenous, cause she's like, more hungry and stuff.

Lock the doors, grab your shotgun, but don't simply try to flee; if she keeps feasting, she may learn how to operate a segway, and there is nowhere you can go to escape a segway. Who knows how much time she has been around without our knowledge! She may have a small Zombie militia! My town doesn't have a mall... where the fuck am I going to go???

We're all dead!!!








EDIT: It turns out that, in actuality, that is the pop artist Pink. It also turns out that the other zombie image is just a movie clip from Dawn of the Dead... and uh, it actually turns out I made this entire story up. Sorry about that.

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