Nightmares

THIS CREATURE LIVES UNDER YOUR BED AND WILL COME OUT WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING AND SINK ITS TEEHT INTO YOUR THROAT!

Sweet dreams!


IMPORTANT UPDATE:
CopyEyedKakashi: those are not very big
CopyEyedKakashi: the jew shark
CopyEyedKakashi: it distracts u by looking funny and biting
CopyEyedKakashi: but its really stealing ur money

Music Tuesdays: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Forget All the Timelines I Put Up

Justin King and the Apologies.
I love this band. No doubt about it, I love this band.

My mind isn't functioning today, so long short and inept description of how the band sounds. Listen and find out. They are good. Trust me.


EXTRA:
Justin King himself is an incredibly acoustic tap guitar, with a strong argument leaning on the best.



Skip to about a 1:40 into the video and watch the song "Locomotion." Insane!

TADAAAAAAAA... it's... gone!

I'd like to take this opportunity to fully express my feelings on the Dark Knight. As all five of you know, I was not as taken with the new Batman movie as pretty much every other freaking human being was.
To pretext my thoughts: It is easily one of the greatest super hero films ever made, one of the greatest ACTION movies ever made.
But it still didn't live up to the hype for me.
That being said, I saw it for the third time yesterday. My friend had not seen it (what's up with that?) so we caught a late night showing at Harvard Square. Each time I have seen it, I have liked 4/5ths of the movie even more than before. I catch the subtle foreshadowing, I understand more of the character emotions, and for the life of me, everytime I see the Joker's magic trick, I giggle uncontrollably like a fat, middle aged woman watching Everybody Loves Raymond. The movie is chock full of those balls-to-the-wall epic scenes where even though you KNOW what's going to happen, it still shocks you when you see it on the big screen. I mean, when that huge fucking truck just flipped over? Fatness!

That being said, the ending of the movie gets worse and worse everytime I see it. Like clockwork... And I can't figure out why. Sure, there are a LOT of reasons that the movie could have let me down. I mean, the fact that two-face was such a weak, one-dimensional villain compared to Joker didn't help. The awfully weak ending dialogue about how Batman "wasn't a hero, is what the city needs" was so corny and forced, I was left wondering if Keanu Reeves had managed to get some creative input in the film. Maybe I was getting too tired of Christian Bale's voice, who is taking the whole "Keaton-esque" voice thing a little too far (it sounds like someone took a cheese grater to his vocal chords). Maybe it's because I didn't fully grasp the ideology behind the film where Dent is viewed as this grand uncorruptable figure while Batman can pretty much be a anything the town needs, and why they couldn't just say Dent died of AIDs but HAD to place the blame on Batman. The film did drop in terms of dramatic quality, where right after Batman goes through a convuluted maze of a skyscraper battling dogs and terrorists and the SWAT team while hundreds of lives on two stranded ferries hang in the balance, we are treated with Two-Face being football tackled by Batman for a finale. Whoopee.

Or maybe it was the fact that Rachel Dawes was killed in the middle of the movie. And that sucks. Because I have the biggest crush on Maggie Gylenhoff. I know, she looks like a doberman, but I would ravish her. Just, whoa, you don't even want to know the things I'd do with her. My girlfriend doesn't bother to read my blog anymore, right?

I'm exaggerating though, the film pretty much came full circle and the ending wasn't THAT bad. Sure, it was the weakest part of the film, but why in the world do I leave the theatre disapointed everytime? I looked at all the previously mentioned flaws, and they really don't hurt the movie that much. So what annoys me so much about the ending?

Well, after that third time, it finally dawned on me, with the help of my friend. After seeing the film, I asked him what he thought. He said it was great, but it never really ended. I asked him what he meant, and he said he felt like there should have been more. The Joker was still alive, Batman was on the run, the city is demolished, it wasn't really an ending at all. There was no closure. And he's absolutely right!
I'm not really HATING on the ending, but I want to know how it really ends. The story was only half told! The reason for this is obvious: Nolan had said even before the second movie was complete that the third movie would still be centered around The Batman vs The Joker. Heath Ledger's character said it himself, "This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness, and I won't kill you, because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever." The movie may have been over, but the battle between The King of Crime and The Dark Knight had only reached intermission. The third installment was going to be the finale!

Of course, the big kink in the plans right now is that Heath Ledger is dead.

And so, let the rumor mill begin. Depp as the Riddler, Hoffman as the penguin, Cher as Catwoman. I'm sure this would make for an epic movie, really, it can't possibly not. Those guys (Cher probably has a penis) are some great actors, and Nolan goes on personal missions to one-up each of his previous films. No matter who is cast and who the villain is, I for one have little doubt that the third installation of Nolan's Batman will be fantastic.

But it will ruin the second movie for me. Not bringing back the Joker would mean that the ending for The Dark Knight was utterly incomplete: it lacked proper closure, and the Joker character never really got his dues. It also means that the Batman triology (it looks like it will stop at three) will not end with the strongest villain going out last. That's a damn shame.
And what amazes me the most? Not one single person has considered bringing the Joker back. Is Heath Ledger really a sacred horse? Look, I'll admit, for arguments sake, he is the best Joker. Jack Nicholson's variant, while stupendous, was also very different, and simply wasn't as captivating as the role Ledger played. Chances are, no matter who Nolan casts, they wont do the job that Ledger did.
But why should we care? With all due logic, no matter what story Nolan can concoct, it wont be as good as what he was originally planning, so it's give-or-take. Did we stop making super-man movies when Christopher Reeves got paralyzed? Did we stop The Matrix 2 when Alliyah's plane crashed? It's sad, the world has lost talent, there's no taking away from that, but these are movies. Their sole purpose is to give us an escape from reality. With all due respect to the late Ledger, the show must go on. I truly feel that the next movie should be centered around the Joker, even if no one else on this planet thinks so (hell, there are some that say the Nolan's Batman should die with Heath). I feel we haven't gotten the ending we deserved, and I want to hear out the story to the end.

There are others qualified to play this role. And who knows, maybe Nolan is plotting a Batman 4, waiting for some time to go by before he revives Batman's "destined enemy." My fingers are crossed. I'm serious.

edit: OH there are spoiler warnings in there. So uhm, don't read it if you haven't watched the movie.

True ultimate power

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-joe-biden-vice-president-barack-obama,0,4044104.story

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MS Paint > Photoshop

My friends' at Blag by Popular Demand have issued an insane statement that we, at Jolly White Giant, think we should respond too (although there is only one guy at Blag by Popular Demand... and I'm the only person who posts on this blog... but using plurals makes it sound like more business-like, you know?). THEY claim that MS Paint is a useless tool that pales in comparison to Adobe Photoshop. They claim that MS Paint can only create monstrocities and really should only be used for copying and pasting and nothing else. WELL WE AT JOLLY WHITE GIANT CHALLENGE THIS STATEMENT; and we go one step farther to say MS Paint is a FAR MORE LEET PROGRAM THAN PHOTOSHOP!

You disagree?

WELL WATCH THIS!


WELL HOW ABOUT THIS!!


EH? EH? EH?


HOW ABOUT THIS!!



I rest my case. MS Paint is a wonderful program with boundless possibilities and if you have hours and hours of free time on your hand, you can make some totally leet shit. That will get you laid. Probably by fat chicks.

Music Wednesdays

Now I wont normally post live performances when I'm giving an example of a band, but it's a must with the John Butler Trio. These guys perform so well together that I would almost be doing you a disservice if I posted one of their music videos.

The John Butler Trio isn't an unknown band by any means, they're one of the biggest bands in Australia, drawing huge crowds whereever they go. Yet, for some reason, they can't take off in America. They have a very easy-going, psychedelic rock sound that probably wouldn't translate to much radio play, but to be so unknown really shocks me. It's almost a purely guitar driven band, with the drums only providing a very simple beat and the bass strickly (yet loudly) following the guitar. Regardless, John Butler is easily one of the best guitarists in the world and both his rhythm and his riffs are just mindblowing. Oh man, especially the riffs. He hooks his twelve string acoustic up to every effects pedal imaginable... the sounds he can make with a wah and a slide could make even the best jam band guitarists blush. Please give this guy a listen!


BONUS:
John Butler also has just incredible solo stuff, worth a look in itself. It's a little quiet, so there is another video of the same thing if your speakers wont go up that high (cause this song is meant to be played as long as possible) but sadly the video is off with the audio so it's a bit too odd watching it.


If you enjoy, please comment on my blog, do not AIM me that you liked it. You know who you are.

A REASON TO WATCH THE OLYMPICS

TOO much money

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!

Tallest skyscraper in the world is almost complete in Dubai. Yes, the same Dubai that is famous for making all sorts of expensive shit. It's pretty crazy, and there are some far better aerial pictures at Gizmodo, the place where I pretty much get all my information at.

This is deffinitely where I want to take my next vacation.

Music Mondays

Hands down, there is no creepier folk-indie band than Okkervil River. For Real, Westfall, It Ends With a Fall, Red... soft melodies with rough guitar and soul gazing vocals (can vocals gaze your soul?) create for a little spine tingling experience. Their more upbeat songs, like Our Life Is Not a Movie or Maybe and The President's Dead is more instrumental and speedy but keeps those crazy vocals. It's sort of like Interpol: no matter what the guy is singing, you're always like "this is creeping me out." Similar effect here.

Give them a shot!

Pretending to be rabblecopter for the night

Look Dark Night! Funny! Batman!!!

Congratulations Michael Phelps

So that's how he did it

I'm not posting anything today

Nope.

Sorry.

SECRETS

Exactly what is Google maps trying to hide from us?

Cause that's deffinitely a photoshop if I've ever seen one.

Hopefully it's not just another swastika.

(also, thanks Gizmodo for the info)

.....

Oh bullshit!

Well, looks like some asshats in Texas has found el chupacabra!!!

Lots of thanks to Associated Content for ruining my day. It's a malnourished jackal with a Down Syndrome head? Really?

Total crap.

THIS IS THE CHUPACABRA!!!

Music Wednesdays (sorta)

As much as I've been holding back jumping at the chance to write about Bedouin Soundclash, who are one of my favorite bands of all time, I've also been rather hesitant. Cause, after all, what the hell song do I pick to display what music this band can produce? Their sound can range anywhere from rock, reggae, and ska, or a combination of all three. The guitar is a combo of choppy damps and powerful strumming, the bass can be totally dominant or hidden in with the guitar, and the drums can either be leading the rhythm or non-existant.
Just like their instruments, I can listen to their songs in most any mood. '12:59 Lullaby' helps me relax, 'St. Andrews' helps me cut loose, and 'Gyasi Went Home' just is a great listen to pass time.



This is sort of their flagship song, it's what propelled them onto the charts in Canada. It's a fantastically fun song with a lot of rock riffs and predominant bass guitar.

HOWEVER

I really would suggest you give their purer rock, reggae, and ska stuff a listen... They have such a varied sound, great for anyone or everyone. Unlike ignoring all my other suggestions, really give these guys a listen: they deserve it.

We're fucked

(editor note: SEE IT HERE BEFORE RABBLE COPTER POSTS IT!!)



For some reason not apparent to me, it seems some bored Japanese robotic scientists have invented robots that could pretty much kill the shit out of me. Time to start stockpiling weapons for the upcoming war.

Oh, Bill...

Bill Gates has blood on his hands. Again.

Why, you ask? Take a look at this!



See it? See it? Looks like that flashy Olympic opening ceremony didn't go off without a hitch. What, can't find it? Look at the sky.



It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a blue screen of death, the system failure screen that everyone who has ever used a Windows computer knows alllllllllll about; and if any of the athletes didn't, it was largely presented for every single one of them to see.

While digitally adding fireworks in TV broadcasts and curtain tailing ugly singers may be what everyone else is shaming Bejing for, I almost entirely blame the Olympic's IT committee for my incredibly low opinion of China right now.

Which I also feel guilty for, since you know all of them and their families will be executed once the olympics are over.

Which brings me to my original point: Bill Gates, your lousy software has killed even more people. When will it end?

(oh, and since I didn't link to it, I found the pictures and the information on Rivercool)

I would like some CRIES with that WAH burger

I feel that, as an American, I'm not protesting enough. More to the point, I'm not protesting absentmindedly enough. A lot of us aren't. Seriously, when is the last time you have taken up a cause that was without merit or reason? Well, because we HAVEN'T, these brave warriors are doing it for us:

First off, do you remember a couple of months ago when those really cheeky, annoying Dunkin Donuts commercials with Rachel Ray were all over the airwaves? I don't, because they were immediately pulled by Dunkin Donuts when the right-wing went nuts because the commercial made Rachel Ray appear to be a "terrorist sympathizer." What? Did Rachel Ray scream "death to the USA!!" as she burned an American flag in the background? Did she kill a British reporter? Did she end the commercial with, "just one sip of this coffee will make you say, 'mmm ALLAHHHHHHHHHmmmmm.'" Hell, did she even say or do ANYTHING?
Nope.
It was her scarf.
Apparently it looked so much like a "kaffiyeh," (which is the traditional head garb popularized by Yasser Arafat and worn by many radical terrorists) that merely seeing someone wear it on TV was offensive... even though it was a relatively popular fashion style long before the commercial aired. At first, Dunkin Donuts laughed off the initial wave of protests, but as time went by, and more and more crazy conservative bloggers began threatening to boycott, Dunkin Donuts caved in and pulled it.
I guess it makes sense; terrorists DO wear something very similar. Of course, those same terrorists also like to wear red and white dotted bandanas over their heads, making this guy a terrorist too.

Check it out a few months later, Nike has this new line of basketball shoes called Hyperdunks. With them, you can jump over cars and pools of snakes and other things people normally have to avoid in their everyday lives. Nike had this great advertising scheme where they would show some white guy being dunked on. The dunker, of course, was wearing Hyperdunks. The dunkee was withering in a combination of embarrassment and pain, as he tries to move his face as far back as possible to avoid the dunker's nuts.
This, unbeknown to anyone normal, is homophobic... and Nike had to pulled their ads. Seriously.
Now, I can only assume that since this series of advertisements is homophobic, this would secretly mean that all gay men want to shove their balls in other men's faces and if we show emotions like disgust, we are being incentive. The guy really should have been embracing the nut sack. Shame on Nike. Shameeeeeeeeeeeee.

This blog isn't just about OLD totally shitty protests, oh no... Take a look at this gem right here. Apparently, Tropic Thunder's excessive use of the word "r-word" (yes, the word is too vile to say) is causing a huge stir and everyone from the Special Olympics to the the National Down Syndrome Congress is calling for the boycott of this film. To give a little background story, one of the minor actors in the film is playing another minor actor, whose only other role involved playing a retarded kid in a movie called "Simple Jack" (the thought behind this is that everyone gets an Oscar for playing MONGRELS, take Forest Gump for example). All the other characters in the Tropic Thunder treat him like crap, and because of his role, they call him a retard throughout the the film. So despite the fact that this movie is chock full of asian-looking terrorists living in huts and a white guy who undergoes surgery to give him permanent black face, we should boycott this movie because someone says the word RETARD.

Fantastic!

But to digress, I feel I should get involved in this delirium of protesting, and I have marked these things on my shit list:
1) Cillian Murphy
2) People who say "well then"
3) The Boston Globe
4) Pants

I plan on harrassing and boycotting and whining as much as I can untill someone gets punished. As far as you're concerned, I'm offended about something by all those things on my list, and it's my right as an American citizen to not have a sense of humor and just go apeshit on everything.

Please note: I'm not worried about anyone boycotting my blog for my overt use of the word "retard" because no one reads this damn thing to begin with.
Toodles!

ALSO NOTE: I will only be using this search engine from now on.

MUSIC MONDAYS (moved to Tuesdays)

I apologize for my lack of posts containing "words" yesterday (I was originally going to use the term "content" but I couldn't remember writing anything that did), and I am going to rectify that today. I know several nations hang on every letter I display on a computer screen, so today I'm typing a lot of them. Like, maybe even a page.

To start things off, I might as well show you the Mountain Goats:


Finding the right video to display for this band was rather difficult. Their most known for their earlier, more lo-fi stuff (No Children), but some of their recent songs are just spectacular (New Zion). To make the choice harder, John Darnielle's voice changes tone depending on the beat of the song: faster, more upbeat songs like Sax Rohmer #1 have Darnielle's voice very nasally and straight-forward, while sadder, slower songs like Woke Up New will usually include Darnielle to sing softer and more melodiously.

I choose to show 'This Year' because the music video was so damn freaky.
Enjoy the uban folk guitar rhythm and spine tingling lyrics.

CHRIST v2

Still busy at work. So here is this:

CHRIST

I'm having an exceptionally busy day at work today, and that's when I usually post all my blog entries. So, all (two) of you will have to deal for now, and look at this:




Find the rest here

MUSIC FRIDAYS

After contemplating for some time, I thought it would be unfair to share with you only one band every week... also, I have very little to write about. So music wednesdays has been expanded to Mondays and Fridays as well.



Today's band is a group called Mock Orange. This four man band originating from Indiana has VASTLY improved their sound and feel to their music in recent years, going from a rather annoying moe hybrid to a very enjoyable indie group. The songs has a very serene, relaxing feel to them, despite the jam band guitar riffs and bass led rhythm. While their older albums are certainly nothing I'd go out of my way to listen to, everything that this band has produced since 2000 has steadily improved, and their latest album, "Mind is Not Brain," is void of any bad songs. Mock Orange isn't the music I'd be listening to in order to get hyped up for something, but it's perfect for a relaxing drive or some chill background music.

The lyrics aren't terribly deep but the words are strong together beautiful, with plenty of background "ohhhs" and "ahhs" which are pretty much a requirement nowadays in Indie rock. The acid test is the voice: Ryan Grisham, on vocals, brings a very high pitched, soft spoken sound to his songs, which are sure to immediately turn a few fans off. If the voice doesn't bother you, then I suggest immediately checking out this bands' other stuff... it's worth getting into.

IMPORTANT

Today I was eating M&Ms in my bosses office, and I accidently dropped one on the floor.

Without skipping a beat, I shouted out "and one for my dead homies!"

I am the greatest human being alive

Father...?

There are no words

BREAKING NEWS

ANNA NICOLE SMITH SIGHTING!!!


This should be a great moment where I can finalize my process of becoming a real blogger (whose active duty is to constantly link to thirty other blolgs), but I am greatly saddened to break this news to all you poor, poor, helpless bastards... it appears, judging from the photo above, that the existance of Zombie Anna-Nicole Smith has indeed been verified.

Our days are numbered.

There are two frightening things I have deducted from this picture. First off, the previous Anna-Nicole Smith Zombie picture (shown blurrily below) shows Smith falling apart, skin peeling and flesh rotting. The gormandization of human flesh is apparently rejuvenating her, shaping her into her old self. It's not purely a physical thing either; as we can see, she now knows how to operate a lawn mower, putting her on the same mental level as my gardener. Eventually, she may reach a normal human being. Imagine if she could operate a rocket launcher? Zombie Anna-Nicole Smith with a rocket launcher? We'd be fucked.


Another noticable difference between the two photos is that the recent one shows Anna-Nicole Smith much, much skinner. This tells us that she is back on her trimspa diet, meaning when she does feast on human flesh, it will be far more ravenous, cause she's like, more hungry and stuff.

Lock the doors, grab your shotgun, but don't simply try to flee; if she keeps feasting, she may learn how to operate a segway, and there is nowhere you can go to escape a segway. Who knows how much time she has been around without our knowledge! She may have a small Zombie militia! My town doesn't have a mall... where the fuck am I going to go???

We're all dead!!!








EDIT: It turns out that, in actuality, that is the pop artist Pink. It also turns out that the other zombie image is just a movie clip from Dawn of the Dead... and uh, it actually turns out I made this entire story up. Sorry about that.

SORRY!

I'm sorry, really I am. Everyone knows about Brett Favre right now. I'll focus on news that ISN'T being covered because of the Favre saga!

Congratulations to Henry! He's 111-years-old, and is a father to be. After years of people trying to hook Henry up with that special female, Henry's finally taken a liking to some hot tail and is now a dad-to-be.... At one hundred and eleven!! Incredible!

Here's a picture of the lucky sucker:

I'm a reasonable guy. But, I've just experienced some very unreasonable things.

Brett Favre to the Jets? Friggin' sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Music Wednesdays (and probably other days)

I WILL BE THE BEACON OF HOPE IN YOUR DEEP, DEPRESSING MUSICALLY VOID WORLD!
As long as this blog exists, its main sorta purpose is to spread those sweet, mood changing audible melodies around the globe internet two people who read this. I will try to focus on either upcoming bands or bands that time has forgotting, focusing on the more alt rock/indie side, but sometimes straying into punk or metal or folk, whatever is really on my playlist that I can say "oh sheit that kid who reads may read my blog may enjoy!" While I do enjoy music on the opposite ends of the spectrum, like rap and country, I am not going to know about them before you. If any inner city black youth or rednecks don't know a group that I do, SHAME ON YOU!


Anyway, my first band I present to you is the HOLD STEADY:



I was originally going to go with the Mountain Goats, but Hold Steady's popularity is gaining incredibly fast and I felt that if I didn't post this link today, everyone might already know about them tomorrow.

A Brooklyn-based alternative rock band formed in 2003, this five member (guitar, bass, piano, drummer, guitar/vocals) has already produced four albums. Sort of a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Elliot Smith, the Hold Steady have a very classic rock feel to them (You Can Make Him Like You, You Little Hoodrat friend) but also has a lot of slow, softer sounding songs (First Night, Citrus). Their lyrics are rather deep but incredibly understandable & relatable, and for the exception of their "Separation Sunday" album, pretty straight-forward. Lots of strong riffs and strong piano melodies, this band can attract a more wide range of audiences. They may not have enough kick to be on the radio, but they're great enough that you'll be hearing about them for a long time.

Purpose

So now I'm all into thinking, why in the world did I make this thing? IS there a purpose for this thing here? I think I'm subtly mentioning I have this thing to all my friends so it wont just turn into a place where I dump a joke or copy-and-paste someone elses blog. Or let guest bloggers write racial slurs and talk about vaginas. Don't question this.

Anyway, I'm sure this thing will be just as successful as my last blogs and there will be nothing to worry about. Each week you can expect me to write something meaningless, post a band that probably no one has ever heard of, write a video game review adhering to a STRICT STRICT GRADING RUBRIC, and constantly be quoting Big Trouble in Little China.

I'm excited!!!!

MY NEW BLOG

Hey how do I get this thing to work I can't figur